My book, “Crack Your Good Girl Code,” talks about how our Good Girl often ditches our Diva. The compassion and kindness of our Good Girl is important and valuable, but when we ditch our Diva, the pattern we create isn't healthy.
We become a dis-empowered Good Girl.
The result is that we play small, limit ourselves, give our power away, fail to create boundaries, struggle to speak up or show up, downplay our value and much more. The dis-empowered Good Girl struggles to find her personal power because she is always giving her power away through people pleasing and over-giving. "Crack Your Good Girl Code" strongly advocates the need for every Good Girl to own her inner Diva.
But, there is a flip side to this pattern that is equally as important to understand.
Sometimes our inner Diva can become over-developed and ditch our Good Girl!
The result is the classic stereotype of "The Diva" we usually think of - stubborn, demanding, selfish and self-centered. When our Diva takes over the wheel of our life and abandons our Good Girl, we lose our receptivity, vulnerability and empathy. Our out of control Diva associates those qualities with weakness so she avoids them. It can sting to see ourselves in this pattern, but the awareness we gain is worth it.
Here are some of the signs that your Diva is at the wheel of your life and spinning out of control:
Your competitiveness and ambition has become toxic. There is nothing wrong with ambition, let's be clear, but your need to ‘win at all costs’ can lead you to do things that are out of integrity. Your out of control Diva can talk you into anything, as long as she will come out looking strong, desirable and successful.
You are stubborn and unwilling to apologize or take responsibility for your actions. You only want to be seen as perfect. This means the other person in a relationship with you is always apologizing and taking the blame. You force them to give up their power to you. You are more comfortable this way, but it alienates others.
You don’t actually support other powerful women. (Ouch!) This hurts. You may talk about women’s empowerment, but the truth is you feel threatened by the success and power of other women. You believe there can only be one alpha female.
You abandon your feelings. When you cut yourself off from your own feelings, you can’t understand the feelings of others or read subtle clues. This leads to a lack of empathy. The problem is that you subconsciously believe that your emotions make you weak.
You suffer from unhealthy self-centeredness /narcissism. You don’t really listen to others unless it relates to you. You need all the attention to be on you, which is exhausting for those around you.
You are combative and argumentative instead of communicative. Your instinct is to fight and push back, even when it is unnecessary or inappropriate. Being superior to others is more important than your connection with people.
If you find yourself battling with people for superiority, unwilling to apologize for your own wrong-doing, needing to be the center of attention or doing unethical things to win at all costs, your Diva has taken over and ditched your Good Girl. What you think of as your strength has now become your weakness.
We have the most power when we strike a balance between our Good Girl and our Diva and neither part of us is left out. This is the sacred balance we all must find.
As always...Be bold, be brilliant, be you!
Joy Balma, MA, MA is a women's leadership mentor, personality type expert and bestselling author. She is the founder of The Good Girl to Goddess Academy where she helps women rock their personality strengths, own their power and fulfill their potential. www.joybalma.com