The fear of being seen as a the 'B' word often stops women from telling their full truth and keeping boundaries. They are afraid of the displeasing people and being seen as the mean girl.
Keeping strong boundaries can feel like walking a tightrope.
If we have firm boundaries, we might push people away and be seen as a B- I- T- C- H.
On the other hand, if we lack boundaries, we give ourselves away.
Women who are pleasers and peacekeepers struggle (no, wrestle) with finding a balance between telling their truth and caving in to accommodate people. But if we don't tell our truth, we betray ourselves and lie to people about what is true for us. That doesn't feel right either!
I totally admit I have held back my truth because I was afraid of someone's response. To me, it feels like a conundrum. We want to be seen as 'nice' and yet we are afraid of how the other person will respond, or we doubt that they are capable of communicating with us respectfully. We fear conflict or even uncomfortable emotions, so we just ignore the situation.
My grand theory was to just not say anything. But here's what I have discovered. If we don't tell our truth, the relationship can't survive. This is true for business relationships and personal relationships. Even if we don't trust the other person to hear us out, we must put it out there and let the chips fall anyway. If we don't speak up, we end up with a relationship that can't evolve and grow. Who needs that? All relationships challenge us to negotiate and communicate. We can't circumvent this and expect to have happy and fulfilling relationships.
Do you have people in your life that lean on you to solve their problems- whether it is to solve their happiness problems, their financial problems or the state-of-their-life problems.
If so, you need BOUNDARIES!!!!!!!!!!
Boundaries are a Good Girl's best friend.
Often we get caught in a trap solving other people's problems to our own detriment. We take on other people's problems as if they were our own. We fight other people's battles and abandon ourselves. We want to be helpful and we want to be good friends, but we actually can also support the people from the sidelines and keep our boundaries.
Being co-dependent and feeling like your have to solve everyone's problems is a one way ticket to misery-ville. The good news is that you can be loving and kind and also have bad-ass boundaries!
Dare to be bold, be brilliant and be you!
Joy Balma, MA, MA is a women's leadership mentor, personality type expert and bestselling author. She is the founder of The Good Girl to Goddess Academy where she helps women rock their personality strengths, own their power and fulfill their potential.